feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
