Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
