are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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