No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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