They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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