i already hear my dad disowning me
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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