I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
