i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize