Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Mom said you looked used
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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