so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
