the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
