Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
