So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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