Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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