I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
