I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
