I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize