so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
