i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
