Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
