i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
