I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
