I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
