I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
