what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
