walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
