My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
