I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Randomize
