birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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