Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
