you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
