I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
