Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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