guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
