But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
