Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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