Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
