How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
