I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
