U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Randomize
