finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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