I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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