2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
