addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
