I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
