did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
