in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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