So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
