I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
