Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
