lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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