I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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