i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
