If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
