i dont even know how to be here
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
