can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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