dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
