She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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