And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
