I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
50% drunk capacity currently
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
