i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize