i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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