My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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