Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
