They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
