I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
