Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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