Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
