I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize