idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
