I hate all girls vehemently.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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