remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
